My life when i have a tiny bit of money
but i do it every day. i used to want to be like the characters i admire but they go though so much pain. its amazing the actors dont just die from sadness. so i guess this is just me hoping that i never experience what they go through, because if i lost brandon, even for a minute, im not sure what id do. #desperategirlfriendfreakingoutovernothingasusualbutitdoesntmatter,atleastitsnotontwitter
nothing in life is better, really.
today marks 2.5/5 weeks at fresh. getting nervous. i dont expect them to be like “omg you did great stay forever” but im starting to get more nervous that maybe in the end they wont think i did such a great job. what if something ends up happening that i completely screw everyone up and can never have a career on pei!? i know im being crazy but this is the first night ive had to myself in 2.5 weeks so the worry is just sinking in now.
and i need money. i would really like to put every nickel im making from PEIBL into my TFSA account, but im going to need to pay my car stuff in two months, plus we still have the dallas trip before that, and my visa still isnt paid off from the silverstein trip! the extra cal-money ill be getting soon will be amazing and i cant believe thats happening, but the thought of only having that and stitches paychecks this time next month in really putting me down. just checked the job bank (which i discovered is completely done over, looking good) and there is nothing as usual. i mean last time it worked because melody came to me but still. im just getting worried all over again. brandon and i are planning, well i think im more so planning, on moving out in the next year, by then he should have a car and enough money to match or almost match my TFSA so we can buy our trailer, but not unless i get a job first so we can actually afford it after we move in! i know im putting a lot of extra pressure on myself, but it is a lot to handle. the future freaks my out…
i called UPEI about some online programs that were cheap and inexpensive and only take about 8 hours to complete… but the course havent been offered in 3 years. the web page was supposed to be taken down but never did. lovely. back to square one.
1) SHANIA TWAIN IS COMING TO PEI IN SEPTEMBER! amazing. nuff said.
2) i try to get back to sleep a bit after this amazing announcement took place, the phone rings, rare enough as it is to have somone call at 7:15 in the morning, its more rare that the call is for me. its nevin. he wants me to make him business cards and a website. and now we’re back to the disappointing part where i am forced to remember that everything in this day and age is done electronically. therefor i need to learn how to make websites as soon as possible or i will never have a career.
maybe its something brandon and i can do this summer when we’re not working. learn together or something. take a class or do something online. hes saying now hes going to be taking business classes or something through something so maybe if he does that then i can do this and we’ll be on the same page for once. the only thing is im just so shitty at it. that stuff goes over my head all the time and i hate that its so hard for me to understand. especially when i rocked at piczo sites. not that theyre anywhere near the same thing but they did take html and i was good at it when i used it there.
maybe i should look up upei classes and see if theres anything there about website building. i dont know. at this point id rather go there then back to hc. ill figure something out.
but in the case of today what I really need is to draw. which i have been, kinda, for a bit. ive got over half of the tumbnails for the susie cards but the ones i have left to do are going to be the hardest.
lea michele obviously lives in california, and she keeps posting pictures of it on twitter and it makes me want to go somewhere warm and sunny. where i can spend weekends tanning in the sun and i could draw outside instead of in my cold bedroom. i could take swimming breaks at the beach and constantly play in the sand. providing i live on the beach. which i would. why would i move there if i didnt have a beach in my back yard!? i could move to the oc. that would be interesting. im tired of the snow, but i dont think that kind of place would be somewhere you could go for a week or two, i would need to stay there for a while to get a real feel for the place and experience it to the fullest. or should i go to florida!? i already know my way around kissimmee, we could get a timeshare at oak plantation and live there for a while. that would be absolutely amazing since that place already seems like home. or just somewhere in florida closer to the beach. but if im going that far down i may as well make the extra effort to go to the bahamas or jamaica.
but thinking of all that just makes me want to be skinny. ive lost… 13 pounds but im still not looking forward to baiting suit season this year. and im in the mood to get some exercise but its so boring. i want to go to turbo with coralee but i dont have any money even if it is only 5$ a week. i guess ill just need to get in the treadmill and go for it. just the thought is making me want to die. i need it in my room so i dont die of boredom upstairs. whatever. ill do it anyway. blah.
Im just going to say that brandon really made me mad today and hurt my feelings, mostly unintentionally, but i need to remember that even when im mad at him, he loves me and i love him an thats all that matters. In the end no matter how mad he made me, getting mad back is not going to make us feel better. Its just going to make us both upset, then we’ll think we’re stupid because we could have just spent the day being happy.
best. this is all ive ever wanted. … only a clean wave pool.
omg lush i love lush!!!! ill need to go when im in halifax
at least i was working. first thing i did this morning when i got up was start working on the upei rainbow alliance jeopardy poster. i believe i got it more or less finished by 10:30. then i started working on my new website because there is no point in me doing anything anymore unless you have an online portfolio. i wish i was back in the day when you just made a sick business card and someone wanted to see your portfolio. im going to have to knock a new one off now probably. well not until i know that the website is donezo. ill probably make little flyers to send to people and put one on fb or something. but yeah now that ive got the website going in a good direction for now at least, ill have something i can tell people to look at instead of just expecting them to make time for a meeting. people are idiots. i guess i need to learn how to schmooze over the internet.
i just need to get a job desperately. brandons talking about wanting to go to halifax again. im not sure if id mind but its just so much money we’d be spending instead of saving. unless i got a job that paid like 20$ an hour there im not sure why it would be worth it. unless he was going to pay our rent while i saved for a house like my parents did. if we move then we’re paying rent and groceries and we wouldnt have enough space obviously because we would only be able to afford a 1 bdr. since we dont have any friends over there for roomies and even if we did i wouldnt want to live with anyone other then brandon because, well hes him. i love him and i dont want other people touching my stuff. with him my stuff can be ours but with roommates… they would get tired of me quickly. now that i have him though i really think i could be happy anywhere with him for a few years, but as for settling down i want to be here so what would be the point of leaving!? i mean daddy went to bc for four years then came back. thats brilliant. go and get it all out of your system, then come back home and stay home. sounds fine to me. ill leave it at that because i really shouldnt complain. “ive got a hot young man who likes to fuck me and im fabulous” - ive been watching too much sex and the city again. but i finished the second movie again tonight so there it goes for a little while.
my head is just so full of shit lately and i looooove not being in school, because im certainly not a child anymore. i just need to start being an adult now. i need to go to my 9-5 job with weekends off. no homework. no waiting for something exciting to happen. no constant fear of needing to go back to the mall, or wasting my day if i dont. and of course i feel bad because all brandon does is work and school and work and study and then when hes with me i bore him to sleep because im such a bore i dont know what to do to amuse other people anymore. which reminds me i should try to figure out where we’re going for our vday supper since we’re doing it this weekend instead of next weekend since surprise surprise, he works all the time. WHICH is the responsible thing to do and one of the many reasons why i love him. so im not mad just a little not happy.
along with working on logos and posters and websites i also applied at red rock today. its suppose to be 40 hours which look amazing because it would be a 9-5 type of job with sat afternoons and sundays off. plus if its dead im sure they wouldnt mind me bringing my laptop to work on stuff which its dead. the thought of working in a store not in the mall does seem a lot better than no job at all. even if its not a graphic design job who says i cant continue this FREElancing thing until it can get me into a paidlancing position. b and i had a good talk on the phone last night. i really needed it. i feel like an idiot now for getting so upset but i hate constantly feeling like im not getting anywhere. i need to go back to being positive. its still my posi 2014 plan and im sticking to it! i have a fabulous boyfriend and we will have a fabulous life together no matter where we live and how much money we have living it <3